2nd June 2018: Refocusing

I’m starting the diary again from feeling lost in the new smart city domain and job that cares only about making money above doing good. It left me confused about what my direction was and feeling disbelief in my own direction. I’d tell myself that I don’t know where to get a job in education, and that the market looks so small because I don’t know it – I haven’t put myself and expressed my expertise out there. One thing is true about my feelings and that is that I am new to smart cities. I realise yet again that Education is my strongest area I need to return to. I like that I’ve learned a lot about smart cities and that it has helped me find missing pieces to the puzzle to my business planning and monetisation, more specifically (“financial engineering” as smart cities calls it). From a point of weakness (starting a new career path away from my purpose and area I know well) there is little chance for me to consult, make money or move forward other than to continue to be a wage-slave. It’s draining how even with a decent salary, the money doesn’t last, especially with a politically-draining environment like the one I’m working in. I can’t make a difference there because I only use a small % of my skills.
Schnucki is also leaving for 5 weeks on Sunday to Germany even though we both badly need a holiday. It makes me sad and nervous. I’m listening to Swedish nature sounds and videos of Swedes talking because I miss my home culture so much. Sydney feels like a prison.
I also admire Renee Redzepi’s focus in his diary, to challenge his creativity, to perpetually reinvent himself through projects where he can grow and make a difference. 
What is exciting and worrying is that I don’t know who my home crowd is and that by blogging as the first step to attract them for 3 months, I’ll begin to see where my voice has traction. It could be hard to find my audience in Germany from so far away.
The workplace became the funnel that tries to control and restrict my expression. I need as a minimum to use social media to express myself fully and freely.
As soon as tied all random goals and their tasks to supporting one strategy, which was the PhD proposal, I felt enlivened. I had the focus of a strategy. The PhD will give me the framework that both thrills me and brings together all components I need. It gives each goal and task a purpose I can live, breath and dance about daily. This would also affect my bio as well in my CV and social media profiles, over time.

1.    I need to build my primary audience in education and edtech. Any other topic or audience is tangential and of temporary interest and to attract specific people. Like George Verghese said, I need to draw inspiration from other work to build my own world view but not get lost in that world to the extent I feel like I’m starting a new career path away from my purpose. 
2.    I need to surround myself with inspirational, nourishing works like Redzepi’s diary, and people like inspiring creatives. They may not be mentors but their path reveals the direction they took that I can adapt to expedite my path.


Long term:
1.    To set up a forest kindergarten as a research institute.
2.    Do a Phd to make the village responsive (physically and digitally) so that it increases children’s and their preschool communities’ creative and learning potential.
3.    To support PhD’s in schooling philosophy.
4.    Build a residual income of $100,000 annually and direct income.

Short term, first quarter (4 June – 4 September): finish PhD research proposal
1.    PhD research proposal:
a.    Review influential works to
b.    Define the question to
c.    Write the essay
d.    Milestones based on business planning
2.    Blog to build my Education & Smart Edtech audience and as a research method to:
a.    Who they are:
i.    Globally and in Germany & China
ii.    Expert leaders (philosophical theory and practice), parents as customers and buyers of the solution (because I need to know the market I will be serving during and after the PhD). 
b.    The state of art of my research field, so I know what’s been done and has not been done yet.
c.    Where my home crowd and leaders congregate in the world.
d.    Where future longer term markets are
e.    Where the early adopters are and who they are (China?)
f.    What conferences and market opportunities are around them.
3.    Business plan of the research institute that supports my PhD with milestones and strategy.
a.    Pitch parts to test holes in it.
b.    Routinely review audience stats to see how I’ll pivot next (what needs learning from who).
4.    Find a relevant job in Munich and Sydney 50/50.
5.    Visualise /sketch how the project will look in stages. This will inspire me to see the enchanting magic in the project again.
a.    Sketch weekly concepts.
b.    When the PhD research proposal reaches clarity, I’m ready to sketch the final vision. 
c.    When the rough version of the business plan reaches clarity I can sketch concepts of sponsored MVP’s.

2nd Quarter (4 September – December): Funding
1.    Renew website with new vision: 6 weeks.
2.    Apply for Philanthropy, Grants and sponsorship
3.    33x33 but smaller or smaller steps, and targeted first.
4.    Redo website
5.    Competition entries. 
6.    Jobs in Germany

Nice to have

These are ideas that I can’t tell if they are a strategic manoeuvre or will just take me further away from the goal. I can experiment and see
1.    Guest lecturing via video conference at German universities
2.    TEDx / conference talks
3.    Set up a meetup focused on smart tech (with my own focus on education leading to behavioural change???)
4.    Redo my Magic Garden website completely to express my future vision and what I need funding for.
5.    Research parents using The Dream Continuum (TDC). 
6.    Ask neighbours for photo opportunities to finish TDC white paper.
7.    Hanging out and supporting those I admire for a week.
8.    “Designer in residence” positions.
9.    German blogging partner? Or Blog in German and improve my German speaking skills.



Saturday morning: Reflection – creative rejuvenation – refocus.
1.    Find and watch / read exemplary works by top talent that inspires me to keep reaching for the best. This may also support my PhD question.
2.    Visual diary
3.    Plan week ahead and blog topics.
4.    Prep for finding work in Germany
Saturday afternoon: Sport outing
Saturday evening: Tax return
Sunday: business & PhD
5.    Morning: read philanthropy
6.    Medium article that supports the PhD research question.
7.    Business plan
Weekday mornings: 
1.    1 hour: Blog daily – be uninhibited. Express fully and freely as much as possible in as many different creative forms as possible. Sketching, video, Medium etc.
2.    1 hour: 1 job application or get my profile up on job boards to increase my discoverability

Weekdays 5:30pm: Reflection diary
Weekday evenings: till 8pm, either: 
•    Meetups
•    Dance / gym and/or
•    Read inspiring works that relate to my PhD question. 

Goals for this weekend
3 references sent to Marti, Bryce and Arthur. 
Ask Ngaire to translate into German and tell me about German job boards.
Work out:
1.    Who I’m trying to attract first as an audience and partner / influencer:
2.    How to use the hero’s journey and the “How, what, why, where, when” strategies
a.    To tell my high level story to them both.
b.    Define the blog topics / creations for the week
3.    Do my first video experiment.
4.    Do my first medium article.

Who I need to find

1st quarter:
1. Preschool director who has practiced Regio Emilia schooling philosophy (or at least a preschool broker)
2. Parents in Munich: They are the first market I’ll serve.
3. University department interested in partnering and supporting a PhD research:
•    Identify possible university departments and do backgrounds check to identify the best places to University department research.
•    Write PhD research proposal at the same time.
4. Early adopters of the technology and schooling philosophy once I identify them – to test my assumptions about them
5. Philanthropists, grant providers, angel investors
Get started as soon as I have a rough pitch: 
•    To test and debug my pitch
•    To build relationships
Or wait till September when the business plan and its pitch is clearer?

2nd Quarter
1. “Designer In Residence” position opportunities. This is similar to the 33x33 approach and requires:
•    Pitch
•    PhD research proposal
•    Ideally the Magic Garden website reflects the new vision and next steps.
2. Sponsorship for small-scale roll-out (travelling incursions with the interactive theatre) and larger project (forest kindergarten), which requires:
•    Pitch (the business plan and PhD proposal will inform this)
•    Business plan (the Phd research proposal will inform part of this)
•    Audience (this will inform the PhD research proposal)


30th April 2017: Effective leadership of effective team = growth 

Now that I am building teams I need to get more effective. Especially once the pressure piles on managing multiple streams of projects and the cards going out.

To fire off cards requires military precision. The moment I have to back it up as a team member is when I lose oversight and I lose time and fall out of my routine which makes me loose exponentially more time and it creates a bad cycle. So it's vital to build that army of students and volunteers to function.

If I am not effective, I can not know what is realistic to achieve and I can not meet my expectations and deadlines. If that happens I am seen as unreliable. I then lose respect of those around me in the team and they stop taking the project seriously, waiting for me to deliver. And then it creates a cycle of me waiting for them and them waiting for me.

Doing a test with a smaller team of students on Monday I think is smart because I get to know the resources in the building as well as what a team of 2 students can achieve. It becomes the MVT (minimum viable test).

I am committed to stop biting nails and fingers. There are levels of being a man that I want to restore. It is in defiance of being turned by money into a robot. And it's in response to how feeling good from weight lifting and chiropractic work, increases my confidence to try the next bad habit I want to break in favour of some good ones that make me feel like a higher being, a superior man. I can see how having a good back is a corner stone, like weight lifting and healthy hands, to greater confidence and many other exponentially growing list of benefits. The effective habits of the most successful people is also a way to become a higher being and it moulds me into a leader.

Each time I try to bite, I will use the moment to appreciate the same part of my body in a gentle way. It's also a way to be mindful. 

Weekly standup phone calls with my team are essential. I should aim to do that Saturday mornings. 

I realised while talking to Michael that transmedia games are:

  1. A project management process
  2. A new way to do UX / design thinking

It's an HCD process that evolves with the customer (a few chairmen of the board / directors) and goes live, evolving with their social / customer network. So in short it's a project design thinking management process that goes live. It's potentially a smarter way of doing marketing and projects because the process is:

a crowd funder + marketing campaign + HCD design
+ prototyping process + startup process + sales 

Transmedia games may be a new way to achieve a rigurous Posthuman business + design process.

Mental imagery must be strongly linked to being an effective & happier person and a higher being. For that reason I think it's essential to understand that following my own way is the only way I can remain happy and focused. It's so easy and poisonous to become drawn into the NWO. It's someone else's agenda, not mine or my path in life. Both the NWO and anyone else's agenda for the matter, reduces me to a robot. Being an effective leader means to be 100% committed to my own path, because doing what I love will always put me in a creative flow where I am the most productive and quickest. And there for whatever a large complex organisation can do to put sticks in my ways, I as a startup and as a leader will always find workarounds for. As such, I also don't need to worry about that i get sucked into fulfilling the agenda of investors. I will select the ones that support my agenda and if not, then they can get bought out by a better investor. There is always a creative way around any problem.

Most of the stuff I read is hype and bullshit anyway. I will only keep a light eye on it so that I can remain a step ahead with my own practical measures that I can do without thinking too much about them. 

Following my own path is the fastest way to becoming an effective leader and push other's distracting agendas. If I draw people's attention to anyone else's agenda but my own, I lose their respect, participation and my flow. 


Website Ideas

  1. Simple pitch + architectural rendering
  2. Product page
  3. curriculum page
  4. Personalised pitch pages for each investor
  5. Blog + social media links and feeds
  6. Future vision of early childhood education photographic story
  7. 3D printing + terraformer self asembling robots + assembled polygons + hanging wires + info-holograms overlayed in nature + nature (foraging etc)
  8. About page with extended team profiles
  9. Logo

Posthuman Movement

This is a list of bachelor degree projects that could be run as an MVT to help formulate what Posthuman could be in each and raise questions worth answering as a PhD. 

Posthuman Business (and commerce / investment)

  1. The transmedia crowdfunder as a new business-design process
  2. I may need to first have done my own business and financials and in that process discovered worthwhile problems. Or I could research business / startup theories and project management processes. Or I could just network my way towards figuring out a starting point for what Posthuman Business could be about.

Posthuman Marketing

  1. Working with game design students and Design Thinking process to create a new process using transmedia crowd funder.

Posthuman Architecture

Architecture students role playing being Karin Murris to devise:

  1. Rendering
  2. Summary paragraph / report
  3. 1 phrase / formula  
  4. Design tools
  5. Questions & interesting problems & opportunities

Posthuman Games

Posthuman Design (all disciplines)

Posthuman Mechatronics





Get funded to work full time on the project


  1. Grow Team
  2. Website published: demonstration + 1 page snapshot
  3. Send cards and prep next one.


  • I let the website be the priority over building an effective team. I would have discovere sooner I need to become effective as a leader too. So it was caused by fear. 

  • I wasted time on making a nice website. I decided to just get it up and then improve it as a lower priority.


  1. Strategy: The main task of May is the strategy. (This should help me work out how to achieve the rest of the year). Read Brandon's 2 printouts. 
  2. Keep building student army.
  3. Quotes:  read Tessa's book
  4. Write pitch with Michael and Karin and update it. Add it to the site.
  5. Network to build team for cards, website future vision, 3D printing & robotics, transmedia crowd funders.
  6. Add parts to the website: About page
  7. Grow 22x22 contact list and clean up spreadhseet
  8. make backup cards.



  1. Practise pitch
  2. Make video pitch
  3. Website now has:
    1. simplified Pitch + rendering of architecture
    2. product page
    3. curriculum page
    4. possibly: personalised webpages for each investor
  4.  Finalise quotes
  5. Accounting

3rd Quarter

  1. Pepare transmedia crowd funder
  2. Social media + blog

4th Quarter

Transmedia crowd funder





  1. Visual Diary
  2. Manicure: read / watch one article + care 
  3. Imagine book
  4. Effective habits planning


  1. Health & feeling good is then foundation to increased confidence and path to being a more effective leader and man.
  2. Forming and testing the team's capabilities and readiness is the preperatory process for achieving military presiscion. The test is the rehersal.  
  3. Trasnmedia may be a new effective Posthuman 
  4. Being an effective leader of an effective team is vital foundation for growth. 
  5. Follow my own path and build new habits of effectiveness to achieve that. 

12th April 2017

Working on my own keeps me shielded from reality, but not from dear and failure because I fail to take steps. I'm afraid of taking steps. So I'm in a cyclic coping mechanism. The symptom is lots of unfinished tasks (which in itself is toxic) which I keep unfinished by perpetually changing directions and inviting new tasks. It's the opposite of being laser focused. It feels good and comfortable to float from one creative task to the next. It's caused by thinking too much, analysing each decision too many times and too much till it becomes simply indesisvion. Its also partly caused by not seeing the end result of the task at the end.

I need to shit that fear down by working effectively: consistently nailing one task after the next without any thinking.

Have almost angry determined focus on that one task. This works and makes me feel confident and awesome and work real fast.

It's all about motivating myself and having the best positive picture and a simple goal for the day.

27th March 2016

The reason why I respond with fear to using hyperbole and representing my work that way is because I am painting a picture of what I could do, but without concrete strategy or proof that I could do it. That fear then slows me down by a factor of many times (eg weeks instead of days, plus I don't talk like that because I'm not doing it now or have nothing amazing to express as a story). 


Things become very different, and I become calm & convincingly excited when I find a strategy to achieve my hyperbolic claims. Even stronger is to be doing it right now ("this is happening right now!") or to have done it ("we just had this happen!"). 


So if I am going to talk about global impact then I need to get on with developing the app for the role play and roll it out internationally.


Thinking like this also means i don't feel dependent on the investors, keeping me calmer because I know I will try to achieve all this myself anyway.


Investors respond strongly to extreme language (hyperbole): 


I have to work out how we strategically implement PCP in each service we provide from the small preschool to the online theatre service to the large R&D incubator.

7th March 2017 Pioneering is My Dream

I cleaned up our office, as if building the army barracks ready for a full creative assault. It's a new chapter in creativity and I am as good as rid of the ghosts of the 2014 trip except. (I'm only stressed by planes flying overhead and feel hurt & sorrow seeing photos of my beautiful Schnucki doing batching. I'm so grateful she saved us and found us work. That was her strength I didn't have.)


I found a photo from Mark & Cathy in Montana I will post on the wall as a daily reminder of the creative I am, that we were destined to do the trip and as a reminder of my goal to meet them again.


It occurred to me that pioneering is my dream. So even if I do pioneer something and achieve that dream, I will forever try to pioneer the next thing, thereby keeping the dream elusive.

That means that our core values are our dreams. I wonder if they are also closely tied to our frustrations or are in fact the source of our frustration when we don't stick to them.

For example, I became aggressively opposed to Avi leading the project(of designing an interactive play space for a preschool at Fox Studios) because he was a beginner. With him as a leader I would not get to pioneer, and I hate working with beginners who don't know what they are doing, arguing over fundamental things I already know and choking my potential to create and grow. It was clear to me they just wanted me to realise their dreams / goals and luckily they wanted me to work for free up to the compeltion of the design phase, which I rejected. My frustration boiled over almost into anger, and lead me back even stronger onto my path of 22 x 22. I finished destroying my prototype and cleaned up our study ready for lots of creative action and further confidence building.

I literally fight for my core value of pioneering. I display it by aggressively arguing against the insipid conditions and not being able to lead the project down a pioneering path. This aggressive repulsion from a project is a side of me I don't like and it is another reason to avoid insipid projects.

Now it makes sense how steering away from your core values is the frustration. So if the interviewee knows their frustration well, it can be an insight to their core values and their dream. In addition, using their driver and the frustration can be a neat way to triangulate towards finding out the core value and dream.

Why pioneering works as my dream is partly because I don't get to see the fruits of my labour for a very long time, but along the way I still keep consuming and creating and learning about myself and my dream (why it is I want to pioner and how I can do it).


This week I learned the term "path-breaking" from the founder of Intel.

Pioneering to me means to invent and commercialise successfully.  My groundbreaking designs need a way to be commercialised that is as unique to me as it is to the act of pioneering. So the commercialisation methods I find will be path-breaking. Marti is helping me find those, such as the 22x22.

Interestingly, I lost my confidence, being attracted to the money in Avi's project. Money is artificial because it is something that provides no intrinsic and sustainable happiness and confidence. And money came from his project, not action that I took. So the money did not act as a reward for my pioneering work (or anything I had achieved with my bare hands) or along with any other reward mechanisms that resulted from me applying my core values, like increased confidence and a like minded network. The (lure of) money just arrived on the scene along with the client, disconnected from my core value. Avi and Arthur were also not the right network for me, and I felt them being freeloaders since the first time Avi mentioned the idea of collaborating in December. The were never there to help me when Schnucki and I needed them most either. Trying to consult took my focus and belief off my pioneerign path by taking it off my project. It's like consulting is not believing in myself. But i'm done withlearning from consulting. I know what I'm doing with my talent as Douglas McManus said "Krister! For god sake do something with your talent!" It makes more sense now what he said, after seeing some kids in the preschool who had major talents I wished I could have released and seen fostered, but was helpes to do so in the current system of preschooling they were in.

I need to remove the idea that i consult. I will stop offering consultation. I need to be even more focused and just work on my things.

If Pioneering is my dream, I also know why I only focus on one core value and not the others. The others are just implied, and naturally become part of my act of pioneering anyway.

Dreams are also Heideggers' "the next"


  1. Pioneering is my dream. I will forever pioneer the next and the next thing thereby keeping the dream elusive.
  2. Sticking to the core values is a source of happiness and builds confidence.
  3. Sticking to the core values is the fastest way to create ("the next") and grow.
  4. Core values are the source of frustration when you deviate from them. Deviating causes loss of confidence and unhappiness because you are (and how you can implement your core value more effectively) not expanding your understanding who you are by working on "the next".
  5. I literally fight for my core value of pioneering. So don't get involved in insipid, backward looking projects.
  6. I do not consult.
  7. Money that comes from my own project is a character building reward because it is associated with and a direct result of my pioneering effort.
  8. Money that comes from consulting projects or other areas unrelated my core investment of time (in my pioneering project) is an artificial and unsustainable source of happiness and confidence. It will undermine confidence because it takes me away from the project that strengthens my identity and understanding how I can pioneer more effectively. Avoid other people's money for work and stick to the pioneering project.
  9. Money from other people's projects undermines confidence. If not at all, then at the very least when I don't get to pioneer (lead the pioneering effort) and the team does not have a pioneering mentality.
  10. If an interviewee knows their frustrations and driver well, then they can be used to triangulate the discovery of their core values and dreams.
  11. Pioneering requires groundbreaking ideas + path-breaking commercialisation methods.

19th December 2016 Pioneers are the rare few that escape the Matrix

I always wanted to free people to be creative, particularly the masses. That was impossible. The question to make it work is, "Who do you free?". I realise that, now as I consider creating a preschool that supports kids with extreme-talent and Illnesses, which it does to build their creative confidence and unique voice using Children's Philosophy. 

The question in the film, The Matrix, was never whether to free the masses but rather to find and free Neo, the one who needed it most because he didn't fit in with the zombie-like, following-masses in society. Because of his uniqueness he also had the greatest potential for becoming a heroic change agent. He gained the learning and mentoring support necessary to help him become the successful change agent and messiah he was. His preparation involved 3 foundational elements: freeing his mind and ultimately knowing himself and the established order of the Matrix well. This foundation overcomes fear to find opportunity in adversity (creative confidence). It also helped him first enter and exit the Matrix and perform work in it with ease (without suffering). The foundation then empowered him to begin manipulate the established order of the Matrix, to bring about revolutionary change in a way that expressed his values.

While we can't limit ourselves to freeing one individual, it makes better sense to focus on freeing the 2 segments of the population who arguably feel they need it most. They feel that way as a result of not fitting in. They also have the greatest potential to become change makers because they will always be and think differently. They also are the most willing to pay and give for the cause. The way to serve the 2 segments is by supporting their independent creative thinking so that they have the confidence to keep doing so as adults and increase their self awareness (awareness of their unique strengths and weaknesses).

The fault of Children's Philosophy was always that it was missing business sense to grow from having a strong footing serving a small extreme-user-group (from where it could grow into attracting the mainstream masses). In addition to targeting an extreme user we are now also creating an incubator that cocoons the development of CP.

To leave the matrix, recurring circumstances in your life have to hurt enough for you to seek an exit, sometimes even a permanent exit. Both ill and the talented suffer enough to seek the exit. They express seeking the exit using vague terms like "finding a way". Finding a way first involves trying to cooperate with the established order while doing their own thing. So their efforts are trying to please themselves and the order at the same time, which at first doesn't work. The most common example is struggling to make a startup work using their creative talent. Business is an established order in the matrix. What happens later is that like Neo, they do indeed "find ways" to coexist with the Matrix. They know both themselves and the order of business well enough to dip in and out, connect and disconnect from the Matrix without as much emotional pain of "having to do business" as before. This swip-swapping is their foundation that then leads them to revolutionize the mental space, actions and environment of the following masses around them. 

This swip-swapping may allude to how we intra-act with the capitalist order. Or is intr-acting different and never shown in The Matrix? It's different than to be at one with or be in control.

Investment money doesn't favour serving unique ideas pitched to the vague masses. Money favours change agents with unique competitive ideas proven on early adopters (the disciples) who are ready to spread the change agent's influence.



  1. Those who suffer enough from being different will find a way to be freed from their suffering. They have the most potential to become change agents.
  2. There are 3 foundations that support being freed from suffering from being different and then becoming a successful change agent:
    1. to free your mind (which lets you keep evolving creatively)
    2. to know yourself
    3. to know the established order around you
  3. Very few people in society truly (maybe one in each profession) have what it takes to break free and pioneer. This is my strength and I need to communicate it to investors.
  4. Embrace those creatives who have overcome their illnesses and challenges. They may be the next pioneers.
  5. Once you see the order for what it is (eg the legal industry in Sydney or all that has been thought of by designers before designing the Magic Garden), you see the followers and how they think alike. And it is then that you can break free to plan a strategy and find the very few people (eg the top lawyers) that stand out from the rest and are capable of pioneering or helping you maintain the quality of your pioneering effort. They are your home crowd. They are a needle in a hay stack to find. Less creative and passionate people will complain that they are hard to find but the method to finding them is to spend enough time figuring out first how the industry functions and what it's current state of performance is / what does it offer and how do the masses in the firms think. They you build criteria in your mind for what you ideally want and start manually trawling till you find the rare individuals that stand out.

6th September 2016: Completed tasks and tests, exponentially simplify the road ahead.

I was again lured by the potential to make some more money on the side by becoming a mentor, even though Michael has offered to cover my wages. Of course I don't want to ruin our friendship by relying on his money. But as soon as Michelle Dixon of the Kindered Global mentoring network sent out false advertising saying she was offering an exclusive matchmaking service (which made her seem quality focused) and replied that she was not fulfilling the offer and that this year she was collecting mentors and next year mentees, I realised I had been wasting my time writing a blog entry for her and getting my online profile on her network right. She's not focusing on quality, making the mistake to simply get loads of mentors who can not do anything or get feedback about their value proposition by interacting with mentees. The only thing she can do is collect students, who will not afford the high mentoring costs and be more of a burden. Serving students will not challenge us as mentors (it will dumb us down) while forcing us to work harder for low income (eg $30 for an email that takes an hour or more to do). It's mass driven, not quality driven. That's not how you build a community. It's just forcing qualified people into cheap labour again, like uber and so many other startups. That's one impact I'm afraid my recession-'proof' idea will have on kindergartens which are incredible temples of knowledge the community needs to safeguard. I hope to find a solution to that. I guess it all comes down to not trading in money or being money-driven, but trading in something else.

Michelle's technology and service is therefore potentially disruptive to the community.

The lesson I learned was that working on another person's project is that these projects are not transparent. You work hard on those projects only to discover you don't really have a chance or that the company doesn't have resources to bring you on board. I was transparent and prepared when Schnucki came on board as a work experience student. Being prepared and transparent is very important for building partnerships. If there's no transparency and you come in cold as I did, filling out a profile to become a customer, then you have very little control and the risks are high that you won't get paid. The same goes with the investment market. It takes time for things to become transparent too, which is why it takes a long time to form partnerships and trust.


Schnucki was also talking to my mother now that she is back, while I was working with Michael in the front of their house. She said my mother's tone is one of her and my father not believing that I will ever have a design job, or that my chances are very small and that they try to plan ahead for my life because they see me as handicapped. So I need to ensure I lead by example by exhibiting first and not telling them of my plans. Plans are as a vulnerable as ideas.


I learned from doing tasks I am not good at and am slow at, that once the painful task is done, a lot of the guessing and worrying I did about what other steps I must take drectly after that step, suddenly seem unimportant. I just cut straight through to the next important task and abandon a lot of unnecessary procrastination on residual tasks that seemed important at first. This also happens a lot when I am testing prototypes and experience prototyping (interacting with the customer) because that is the quickest way to learn a fresh perspective and shoot down any assumptions of what comes next. A great example was testing the farmer scene on the digital whiteboard and on my laptop. I realised I didn't need a fancy setup of expensive projectors to get the kids involved. They were totally forgiving and excited. They even confirmed my idea in their exact behaviour. From that moment on I knew I could abandon looking for expensive projectors and focus on writing the investor pitch deck and just use the poor quality projectors I already owned.



 "Reflections on today's test" (25th august 2016)

I'm writing this in the noisy kindy just before going to work so it's a little garbled.
testing with kids took too long today to do, so i didn't get to finish describing the problem in the pitch deck. Will try tomorrow morning.
see photos from today.
My laptop was too old to connect with the Digital White board. It does have VGA inputs but I couldn't get that to work so we used their laptop that does not have Photoshop on it. On the White Board we just did story telling, but it was too singular in direction. I showed the scene being decorated one jpeg image at a time. It was way too linear. And kids began to ask for stuff that wasn't on the screen. Because there was no way to add their story elements, it was hard for the story to develop. It sort of just started again and again from the beginning. But on my laptop as we added images from Google, kids bean to draw connections and new stories that built on previous elements that were added. Eg after adding an owl we added a rabbit. We explored what the two eat and a story of the owl hunting the rabbit happened that then turned into a role play.
I started to get kids role playing from my laptop alone. The size of the screen didn't matter but the smaller it was the more they huddled around it. So I think I'm right to go with a projection to set the scene.
The power / effectiveness of the experience lies in the kids getting to choose their own features to put in the scene and then turn away from the screen and to look at each other and role play the character or animal they just said they wanted and had placed in the screen.
order of events:
1. child sees the scene and gets inspiration
2. child wonder what happens next and creates the next stage in the story
3. Child wants a feature (eg a rabit).
4. We look for a google image and they make their choice.
5. I place the rabbit in and edit it (I put it into the scene in Photoshop).
6) We seed some questions about the new character (rabbit)
7. a) Some children then start the next story
7b) Some children mimic the animated adult ("I'm a jumping rabbit")
7c) Some kids begin to role play the character and start to hand out roles to other kids. This is the point to capture the momentum and get more kids to join the role-play instigator / leader. One way is to get the adults (eg myself Krister the scary owl that hunts Poppy the rabbit). 
The kids aged 4-5 are very savvy about how nature works.


"Max wanted us all to know that he was the farmer, and he gestured that he wanted to know what having a beard felt like."

Jean responded as:

That is so cool !!!!!!

Warm Regards,

Jean Grima
Centre Manager

Earth Kids Early Learning Centre
311 Bobbin Head Road, North Turramurra NSW 2074
02 9983 9900


Visit us at www.earlylearningservices.com.au


Michael responded as:

Nothing like doing the testing to validate assumptions and iterate on the design. Some of the insights are rather interesting, but the main concept holds and that's the main thing to take away from this I guess.
I started to go through the pitch deck just to get a feel for the content, and will get to do a bit more after today. Need to try and switch my focus and thinking towards the business side of things, so I will add my input to the document soon.


My reply to him:

Some photos from today just for you and the team. Brad hasn't seen the final work we did on my laptop but he ran the story with Siv on the big screen.


Poppy instigated a role play and handed out characters. I became the hunting owl and she was the rabbit that got away.
True. What new insights did you get?
Little Max repeatedly wanted us all to know that he was the farmer. Id like to have grabbed that moment and run with it to let him really experience (role play) being the farmer. The lesson is to get kids in the mood for (trigger them to ) role play. It's like surfing perhaps:
1. Prepare for the wave
2. Catch the wave abs away you go
3. Maintain a steady focus yet go wherever the flow naturally takes you .

I printed the Pitch Deck so I can try to work on it at in the office today.


His reply:

I have not seen or interacted with the children so everything to me is still a bit new and unknown. I think if I looked at a video or can see the interactions as they unfold it will make a lot more sense to me. In any case, I find the way that children of that age play to be quite interesting as it is not anything I've really had personal experience with.



  1. Working on someone else's project is as futile as job hunting. The process of participation (the 'partnership' / collaboration / participation) and project are not transparent. With such low transparency, there is a high risk of not getting paid.
  2. I can only work on my own project because in doing so I have full transparency of what I'm doing. It takes time for partners to become fully transparent but this is at least possible.
  3. Being prepared and transparent is essential to forming relationships. So I need to ensure I am as prepared as possible before I involve people. Otherwise they think I lack resources the project is unlikely to provide a reward.
  4. Don't participate in projects that appear disruptive to the community.
  5. Plans are as a vulnerable as ideas. Exhibit first.
  6. Customer tests and completing painful tasks simplifies your next step because you abandon so many expensive and convoluted tasks you assumed you had to complete directly after. What you end up with is the next simple, cheap and effective task to complete. Trust completion and testing. Tests and completing painful tasks drastically simplifies the road ahead. Trust in completion and testing. Trust in the simplicity that task-completion and testing brings. Completed tasks and tests, exponentially simplify the road ahead.

9th August 2016 Positive Mental Imagery Prevents Toxic Keeps the Flow

I spiralled out of control:

  1. Obsessed on the looming financial crisis
  2. Created tasks for myself like getting set up with the
  3. Worried that I did not have the finances to invest more in silver and shares while projecting negatively into the future that we would
  4. struggle as couple
  5. struggle to survive because I lacked skills in nature to be self-sufficient
  6.  struggle to finance our future even from the little investments that I had accumulated
  7. struggle to convince Sylvie to plan and move in the same crisis-focused direction as myself.
  8. It filled me with poisonous anger at both work and home.
  9. I crashed with fever and then exploded at work from burnout in the past weeks.
  10. I achieved almost nothing of value in the project as I prioritised other activities that drained me.
  11. I did those tasks like transcribing my interviews meticulously without stepping back to reflect (constructively in a diary) and have the courage to see and a global perspective of what was most important and act on it.
  12. I increasingly planned goals and tasks that reinforced my negative, fear-driven view.
  13. These tasks did not use my natural way of using the right brain.
  14. These tasks siphon away my sense of control: When I have a positive view of myself and my world I create tasks that support that view, and my sense of independence and "can do" attitude, my sense of control and self-control. Tasks are fun and I'm much more in the now. Sketches and ideas become imaginative and I do them more often. When I have a negative perspective of myself and the world around me, my ideas become insipid and full of impassible road blocks (I can't resolve ideas and make the simple and realisable which causes more stress). I get more focused on past and future fear-driven events that are out of my control. I lose control to them - and most control is lost to the worries that are the most extreme (eg a crisis). I also lose energy to them. It's mentally very draining for both Schnucki and me to think and fight over them. The energy drain is truly massive, such that one short fight can take the energy out of us for hours. This is possibly because I have already been dwelling so much about a negative idea, already expending so much energy in the lead-up and the argument then escalates the energy consumption.


When I sketch I see simple solutions to business problems. When I only focus on solving logically the same business problems, I get stuck. Igniting the right creative side of the brain frees me to find solutions to strategic problems I thought were best left to the left logical side of the brain.

Daily Goal

What I need is a daily routine of building and maintaining a positive view (+ prioritise constructive goals and tasks) that gradually becomes stronger than a negative one. The routine will help me catch negative views and rationalise out of them quicker.


Daily Routine

Start the day with

  1. List and rationalise out of the negative ideas and views, second guessing, addictions,.. (all that's unpleasant)  to get them out of my system and catch them sooner.
  2. Positive reflections and appreciations
  3. Mental imagery of myself and the world around me that reinforces where I am at, my unique natural strengths and my direction that aligns with my strengths.

During the day

  1. List and rationalise out of the negatives on my iPhone.

End the day with (notes on paper)

  1. Positive reflections and appreciations
  2. Mental imagery of myself and the world around me that reinforces where I am at (global perspective), my unique natural strengths, my opportunities and my direction that aligns with my strengths.
  3. Planning (prioritising) constructive goals and tasks that are in line with that mental imagery. Have a mix of tasks that deliver quick and slow gratification. See anything else as a chore that I'm disconnected with and have a window for doing those chores when I'm tired.


How to Perform Mental Imagery


  1. My unique strengths, things I do naturally so that I focus my goals and tasks on utilising those.
  2. My unique opportunities: "I get to do..." What's really great about these opportunities is that I have created them and they are a unique expression of my strengths.
  3. My direction that aligns with my strength. Picture "the next" and the week. Picture that I'm doing it well and how I do it.


First Example


1. I'm addicted and disempowered by worrying about my investments. Have a financial plan of how much I divide my money each fortnight so that I know that I have enough to meet all expenses and be frugal. Then just treat them as expenses and forget them. (Don't check Commsec.)

  1. My Strength account is now for my medicines, car, business and investments.
  2. 1st fortnight: medicines. (6th weekly medicine expenses: ___)
  3. 2nd fortnight: car / business / shares
  4. 3rd fortnight: silver
  5. My Savings account is for building up surplus savings ($50 per fortnight). This buffer is for restoring my relaxed state. $450 across 5 months.
  6. $300 remains on my Orange Every Day account fortnightly (with $9 surplus).
  7. $770 goes to rent.

I get over addictions after accepting them as an addiction and calm down within a few hours or half a day at most.

2. I feel that I will be judged for using the machine, and it seems so hard to use and off-putting because it doesn't rely on my main strengths. I make it dependent on what others think instead of shutting everyone out of the picture and running my own race which is when I perform best. As I learned first, when I do things my own way and forget about everyone else I do well and if I do it repeatedly in small steps I see improvements I can celebrate. Like anything new, I need to just allocate 1hour to it each day when I'm tired and I'll gain confidence in it. Health is not a strength like design is, so I should not attach too much value to it. There is more to life that makes me unique. Focusing too much on its positives can lead to obsession just as much as fearing getting used to the machine and the concept of making changes in my life can. Making changes in my life can be easy if I break big ones into small changes. It's the big changes I struggle with and turn into a project that seems exciting at first but overwhelms me quickly by becoming a priority "I just want to get through asap because I hate it" which both burns me out and prevents me having a balance activities that naturally fit my strengths and nurture my soul. Allow myself a month to get through it. It feels wonderful to allow myself / to give myself the space to take my time.

3.  Seemingly small tasks become toxic projects I want to get out of the way just like I do my tax. Do it in small bits every day because it takes time for my mind to adjust to the new way of doing something and repetition is not something I can cope with for long. Don't let these tasks remain on my To-Do list for too long. As soon as I need to do it (eg Tax on 1st July), make the first little move. And then start next years'.

4. Large creative tasks: I simply need more time to do something the first time. It's not a strength of an entrepreneur or mine. Again break it into focused stints of 1.5h with a break.

5. Give up on convincing people news about money vs currency. It just causes problems. Let me run my own race and base it on facts. Lead by example quietly instead. Don't get angry at others. They make my life complete in other ways.

6. Don't worry about what people expect by a certain time. Focus instead on how much their appreciation grows of seeing my unique skills, and the fun of producing as much as possible, exploring every weird avenue in the time I allow myself to do so. It's about giving myself permission to be and become, as well as belong to that crowd. I'm good enough to be a part of their network. They want me and they want to see the side of me that I exhibit naturally best, where I feel most relaxed and enjoy myself.   


  1. I'm good with small incremental changes and focusing on one change / metric for a month.
  2. I can easily imagine what kids would like. I create their new worlds. People like my beautiful and imaginative ideas and expertise in this area.
  3. Industrial Design and experience design in the physical space, much more than the digital.


  1. I created the opportunity for this project and have strong support. Jean would let me have any resource and let me work creatively together with any staff member to keep experimenting and developing an idea.
  2. My wife actually supports me as much as anyone the moment she sees real tangible progress.

Positive Reflections and Appreciations

I'm grateful I found a daily routine to prevent me becoming obsessive. It's given me a reason to have a daily diary. It may be time consuming at first but I'll get good and quicker at it.

Mental Imagery

I picture myself sketching a few different user scenarios and jotting down any and all that pop into my head no matter if they are "adaptive" and useful or not and staying in the flow fast that way. Positive pressure to get it done quickly and thinking constantly back about how appreciative Jean was in all the work I had done and how supportive she grows to be every time we meet makes it easy for me to stay in the flow.

Michael is also supportive and loves to see my unique strengths as much as anyone. 


  • 1 year (August 2016): Working full time on company and be funded and developing automated software. Growth of income stream.
  • By  7th December:  Full series of tests achieved and a regular income stream
  • 1 month: Test monetisation model  + patent filing date
  • 1 week: Finish concept + tech spec

23 July 2016 Employment makes us geographically dependent on our cities.

I was so proud of Sylvie when she became an Australian Citizen at the citizenship ceremony because she did something that made her happy. She did it with conviction even tough I had expressed I saw no major value in it. 

Once I declined to the $156,000 job interview at the DTO through the recruitment agent and was honest I had taken on too much, I felt like I was on the right path again. The following morning I began to enjoy life again. I noticed how one-dimensional life had been, like being stuck in a box, a pressure chamber void of things that stimulated my senses. I had neglected object meditation and this diary as a usual symptom of pursuing too much and pursuing employment. By saying no to the employment I could also see how I had let others drain my energy and focus and let myself get stressed and make bad decisions. I regained clarity then to run the project my way and not be dependent on talent, which meant training up a kindergarten teacher in Children's Philosophy through UNSW as a minimum backup.

When HR at the casino refused Sylvie to reduce her week to be the same as mine, she opted out of being involved in the project. It was a relief that she pulled out because I could now move the project forward at my pace and in my own way, and learn from it thanks to seeing what's involved. It does mean I slow down through multitasking and too much again is on my shoulders. I am the bottle-neck. But I would rather be prepared before inviting people, to give a clear brief to clarify their starting point. It would be different if they were involved from the start like in a traditional Design Thinking project.  

I realised as I investigated having a Self Managed Super Fund how I started to become independent of Sydney and Australia, to begin making my own way.


  1. Employment, high salaries and its structures make you dependent on living in an expensive city that's hard to get out of . 
  2. When you employ, partner with or make yourself dependent on people, you lose clarity of the project. Using trust in and respect for the person, you trade that clarity & control for being surprised. But if they don't deliver, then it's just bad surprises and you end up doing their work.
  3. In business, if you say you do something, you must do that one thing or it causes chaos, beginning with project creep and loss of people's trust in you and loss of motivation. 


19 July 2016 Resourc eproject better

I need to resource the project better so that it's not just up to me, and work more on the project.

Two talents are missing:

  1. An early learning child psychologist specialising in Positive Psychology (which relates to game design well).
  2. A business designer or a business + marketing professional who has mentored at hackathons or has experience in lean startup processes.

Email to Michael

I finished reading the EYLF which contains 5 learning outcomes.

From what I see, the Creative Curriculum can be measured with cameras and X-box Kinect. What to measure is in Learning Outcome 4.

I've made a long list of possible things to measure throughout all 5 learning outcomes. There is overlap between sections.

Our focus could again then be the Creative Curriculum (Creative Confidence) learned through role play. This opens us up to collaboration with IDEO who want to get more adults (and kids I assume) to have more creative confidence.

Learning Outcome 5 covers communication:

  1. Technology
  2. Articulation: literacy
  3. Problem solving: Numeracy

It's not our main focus for designing and measuring much, but a lot of the points support our project.

I saw on Lateline how Virtual Reality makes experiences memorable, thereby increasing retention of knowledge, skills and wisdom. Kids already learn through hand son experiences. But let's say that this technology could go beyond current indoor playsets / props, then maybe our design can increase the speed kids learn. In lamens terms we make experiences memorable and increase retention too.


15 July: Full time vs part time (status quo)

Thoughts on whether I focus full time using Michael's angel investment in me or not.

  1. Do it myself (go full time or take months longer)


I only need to test that the technology works.


I can still ask Alex what's required to  make art ready / useful for the 2nd stage of full scale development.


And if I do it full time then Michael will too.


  1. Look through Alex Christian or at least ask him what is required


  1. Put out an add - this is very labour intensive as first I need to talk to Alex Christian to get the spec right and then it takes s long time to find the right people to check out which is like an ongoing audition.


I have a fear of rejection. I instantly feel rejected if the 


My gut feeling tells me to do it on my own and learn the process of doing it because I will feel empowered through knowing and through setting an example by exhibiting first.


I also have full control of the look and feel and don't have to compromise or guide the artist. This is more for those who don't have time and talent.


What I create is the brief. 


I began this journey in criticism of Sean's unwillingness to commit 100% to his art.


I want a partner who I can work with full time together.


Risks: We bought the tickets for Europe.


I still need safety of job, to have one foot in there incase it doesn't work out with the partnership???


I feel like I'm jeopardising this project with indecision and underestimating time.


Sylvie is also not focusing. She just wants to take time off, sets dates by when she will start in ernest, but she never does. I also waste time in project management but don't get any real work done, preventing me further from briefing Sylvie on the time frames and holding us back.


  1. If I keep my job (as they say, don't quit your job when forming a startup) then I need to take much longer on this project.


I work slavishly on this stupid project management plan that gets me nowhere, at the expense of normal things like preparing us to go to work and taking medicines.


I can't plan with a resource I don't have and neither UX or the graphic designer or Sylvie are resources that I have. I only still have myself.


Inclusion of a low vision researcher. To help with uncovering metrics. That's also not just researched but also discovered through seeing the prototype work. This causes the project to slow down a lot because of the assistance needed.


Another risk is Marti's project taking shape. Having too many balls in the air (projects / jobs  as focal points) and too many people to rely on (especially if they are unreliable) is stressful.

10th July: To be appreciated for my own exhibited work is the highest feeling.

Having James Viles, chef of Biota Dining want to work together or commission me to interpret his work through my sketches was a dream come true.

It began with me packing my coloured pencils in the last moment before we left home. At Biota I sketched each course we were served. It was hard to sketch fast and still give Schnucki enough of my attention so of course I tried to sketch her beautiful face. I liked the form of her hair style the most and it showed in my sketch of her. I still struggle drawing the human form. 

At the end I went to the kitchen, nervous from not being sure what to say and it felt a bit like when I first proposed to Schnucki and had nothing rehearsed.

James was really down to earth and taken back and loved the sketches. He wanted to me to sketch for his next recipe book it seemed. I received lots of compliments by the waiters and sommelier as well on the way. Schnucki followed me into the kitchen the second time I went to take photos of us two. She said later how impressed she is how I can just walk up to someone famous and start talking to them. That's a far cry from the first time I met Crown Princess Victoria when the cat got my tongue. It took practice.

The whole evening was over amazing, exciting and over so fast. I said to Schnucki, this evening is like a wedding. 

James was keen to swap details and wrote his phone number among my sketches so that we could meet when he's free Tuesday or Wednesday for a coffee or beer. He lives in Avalon 2 days per week. His autograph, "Create to inspire" sums up the Artisan's  way of thinking that Renee Redzepi expressed through his diary - to always want to evolve. I gave him a choice of all coloured pencils to write it with and he chose "purple, because I'm frustrated." But I could also see he was in a flow, with the occasional clapping of his hands as if thinking "yesss, now we're motoring along!"

I experienced the feeling again of what it's like to be recognised for and move people by the artistic work I exhibit. It's a much grander feeling than when it was diluted by teamwork. We had a great short philosophical  conversation.

Stepping outside the car before entering Biota and looking up at the sky also showed s picture perfect moon crescent and a single stare circled by tufts of clouds! Just like in the movies.

Waking up today in the motel was like waking up in Europe - a real holiday feeling I have t has since then. Staying the night somewhere else with Schnucki is what created that wonderful feeling. 

I won't find the right commercialisation strategy among experts who are not invested in my project, who don't have in-depth knowledge of it and who still have their own agendas in the industry. I'll find it on my own. I'm the best person to consult through my exploratory and reflective process. It's a faster way to find the answers to alternative ways of achieving startup capital and growth that simultaneously fits the customers and the project. So I will have to craft a monetisation model, pricing etc as much as the experience itself. They are one and the same, all part of the same experience. 

There's got to be a natural way to grow us from the MVP to fund the full scale software development without needing to be held up by relying on grant-funding.

It feels like a hot chocolate when I find the right way (that involves my gut feeling and my own unique way) to approach exploring and solving a problem. The feeling, is an indicator I'm on the right path. I also feel both excited and sexy and the urge to make love.

I've had to get it out of my head that employment is something that is good for me. It makes me sick.

Oddly, I met Clayton from Pop This Pop That as I packed that at the motel. He had been staying to visit a friend.

8th July 2016 I find my home crowd by doing my own projects in the arts.

Looking at types of Performing Arts  in Wikipedia, lead me to Stagecraft and then Projection Designer.


I also discovered Technical Rehearsal and Technical Week, which relates to the project management of Stagecraft where the scene is tested before the characters are brought into the set.


Stagecraft is a highly technical and diverse and is primarily the practical implementation of a designer's artistic vision.


Projection design feels like a great fit - a far cry from the pedestrian work of UX. It also has a different way of working that mirrors art more and I find my way a little easier and more naturally in developing those projects.


I realise that not only am I not meant to go down that path of being a UX designer (or service designer) but that I'm completely meant to be working with the highly creative performing arts. Survival fears lead me towards the pedestrian jobs but there was no way I could sell myself to take those jobs. I don't want to fill my life with that.


I also realise I should have explored job hunting within the Performing Arts and Exhibitions anyway, and not been so focused on the big salaries. I would have been happier and gained the money to achieve my goals, maybe more or less money, but definitely learned about business as it relates to my natural way as a designer to do business, the fastest.


So now I also know who to contact. There is a list of masters degrees that appeared in Video and Projection Design sound the world. The people I talk to probably will be sources if creative inspiration far beyond the Wikipedia and google image search of types of performing arts I can get kids to do to elicit improv role play. Now I'm starting to find my home crowd.





Technical Rehearsal



Projection Design






1. The more I do my own projects the more I find my home crowd. [That's because I'm spending more time actively exploring my abilities and developing a stronger sense of them and then attracting likeminded people through creative expression.]

2. Chasing jobs shuts me down from being myself, as evidenced by me not writing in my diary (because I can't be myself and have anything real to reflect on).



Another crazy "found object" randomly left in the same place. I wonder what to call these things I shoot.



8th July 2016

Frederiko inspired me to get back to photographing the odd compositional disorder I find lying around in the urban scene. It is a scene, a snapshot or like a crime scene of something strange that happened, but I can't explain why I'm drawn to it.

I began to look at types of performaning arts and associated branches of philosophies and their arguments as inspiration for finding other ways to use the projector to create a role playing space.


I will create a Facebook page too, to begin collecting people's favourite role play memories. I think that collection may be inspirational too. It's way more imaginative.

I love how this blurry intrusion of the spill interipts the very definite forms and technical environment created by the lettering and the almost pixelated effect of the textile. Nothing in this image is 100% coherent and following societal rules or as it should be. The cup is tilted and discarded, now a found object. The letters don't make sense or read anything. The colours are alarmist as if to exaggerate that a bigger accident happened here than in reality, to draw your eye into trying to understand what I'm still trying to figure out - why I take these photos. The spilt mess is like a slug in the rain, almost unidentifiable. Is it tea, or coffee washed out by the rain. We don't know.

I love how this blurry intrusion of the spill interipts the very definite forms and technical environment created by the lettering and the almost pixelated effect of the textile. Nothing in this image is 100% coherent and following societal rules or as it should be. The cup is tilted and discarded, now a found object. The letters don't make sense or read anything. The colours are alarmist as if to exaggerate that a bigger accident happened here than in reality, to draw your eye into trying to understand what I'm still trying to figure out - why I take these photos. The spilt mess is like a slug in the rain, almost unidentifiable. Is it tea, or coffee washed out by the rain. We don't know.

My fave compositional image in the series. 

My fave compositional image in the series. 

Contextual photo to show where I found the scene

Contextual photo to show where I found the scene

Contextual photo - while moving the car, I found this by the bridge and had the urge to go back a few steps to take this shot. It felt so good to shoot this scene in its raw form. Too many photo opportunities like these pass by. 

Contextual photo - while moving the car, I found this by the bridge and had the urge to go back a few steps to take this shot. It felt so good to shoot this scene in its raw form. Too many photo opportunities like these pass by. 

6th July 2016 Doing my own projects gives me more time with my wife.

Ideas from the past:


Since Sylvie came to Australia I always lost so much time that I prioritised to paperwork that never lead anywhere. They were ideas that required the support of someone else, from the Ideas Document for the museum to my employment search.


The only way I ever made progress was through my own projects or running one like the Magic Garden.


Creativity brings me together with people like my wife and frees time I can spend with them because I stay in a flow of successes. While paperwork only has a marginal chance of achieving success. It fights for an opportunity which comes with a high risk / slim chance of ever seeing success. That means you can pour and pour endless, limitless amount of time into the paperwork (like a grant application or employment, unless you know how to play the game) and get no success. And this is how I lose all my time available for being with friends, family and Schnucki.


Bit if I create, I see the result quickly, can share it (which brings people together and to me) and because I had a success early I have time left over for my wife.


There is a spiritual sense making to all of this.


So if I do paperwork I lose time with my wife.


But if I do what I do naturally, I gain time with my wife.

6th July 2016 The "next" is living off my own designs

Focusing 1 to 1.5 weeks on employment had disastrous consequences. I became addicted to the cycle of perfecting the way I sell myself and creating documentation (CV, portfolio, emails). I also lost my confidence when there was no feedback and I got rejeced by ABC (although my application was poorly written) and was give no feedback. Playing the employment market is like being a gambler in a casino, you have no control over the system, get poor feedback on what's really happening so that you have to start assuming, becoming suspiscious (gamblers even become religious or whatever the word is believeing in weird coincidence nad having power over nature or the system) and it makes you addicted, then sick, making you need counselling. I became overworked, got sick, blew more money on the doctor, crashed the car again, became agressive to Schnucki, lost my masculinity and became a bundle of nerves that finds it hard to feel enthusiasm for the project and our future, my creativity and pick up the pieces again. Even Dr Beilby wondered if I had become pyroluric and fogotten to take my medicines.

It's as much of a trap to allow myself to enter the employment game as it is for a new player to allow themselves to be suckered in by a casino to sign up.

I spent 2 days drawing these parallels to gain control. I knew at my age (or any age) I could easily make the deciscion to obstain from looking for design employment and just focus on the business.

I was greedy going for the money but happiness we believe is in what we do now.

In the end I'm the pawn of the game, and I shouldn't forget how I even have attended 11 interviews in 2 weeks across Sydney and Melbourne just for one company who ended up using me and never paying. It's like Marti said, he went into running his own business because he was sick of being screwed over by employers. 

Schnucki found my behaviour aweful, she reacted strongly to it and was sick of seeing me like this and warned me I was going to crash but I kept going. In future I will listen. She is wise (knows me better than I know myself sometimes).

We agreed what our strngths were. We got nowere the last 6-7 years looking for creative employment in this city. We are better off expressing our ideas through our own business and being happy with a routine that supports it.

Schnucki had already decided she wanted to have a business in Germany doing Children's Philosopy for museums. I had pictured the same, starting with doing the kindergarten project for the MCA gallery in Circular Quay once we got enough prototypes done. sow e agreed to stay focused. she already bought two books on Museums to bring her up to speed on the matter although I think she'll get more out of just doing it.

I know by picking up my routine again, and just getting stuck right into the project, I will regain myself.

I have already had fine employment. I then ventured out to get to the next stage of having my own business. I don't need to start from scratch and go through all that again in the same logical order to get to living off my own creations. I just need to keep going where I left off. Living off my own designs is what I was meant to do next. In Heidegger's terms, that was my "next" that I needed to fulfill. Employment at PHM was my past success, like Disney was a foundation for some pop stars, although I'm miles aaprt from their level of success and ability.



  1. Take it as a cue to become self aware and make a healhty desiscion when Schnucki tells me my behaviour is odd. Take a deep breath and think about it. Her wisdom may be the first or last chance I have to stop myself from spiraling out of conrol and going backwards to the way I was. She in other words, may be the one to help keep me on  psoitive path of building strnegth upon strength when I can't see a possible roadblock.
  2. My real big strength lies in launching my own creations and I need to learn to make money off it. Same with Schnucki, and she knows it.
  3. The employment market turns me into who I was before I began the kindergarten venture.
  4. Learning how to live off my own creations and realising them iwth people who care deeply about them through a venture is what brings me to life and gets me to instantly live being the person I want to be.
  5. I'll just tell recruitment agents I'm short on time and to use my documents, and that I'm only interested if there's a quick match made. No special documentation or meetings (other than a short phone call or skype and a little preparation for an interview). Schnucki said, to just ignore them but I know she may change her mind when motherhood comes into question again. Otherwise I would just close employment off completely as a toxic distraction. 
  6. I will ask Sylvie first before engaging a recruitment agent's head hunt again. Each time I do that I am not being masculine I think, I don't stick to my believe and the path we planned. So I need to have a budget for time prepared.
  7. Employment was my past foundation, living of my own designs is my "next" in Heidegger's terms, so it makes no sense to go backwards to employment. It's done now. On with "the next".





3 July 2016 Propper: Buy & Create quality

Below: docuemntation of the role playing space by the window. The furniture, costumes and toys are the main 3 items used by kids to create their worlds. 


Yesterday, as I sat in the winter sun in the front yard, it seemed so obvious and easy that I should save up for having laser eye surgery so long as I could afford it. It was a new feeling of "if you're gonna do something, do it properly / get something decent." I realised then how much I had begun to change for the better. My timid and risk-averse way of settling for less and trying to use what I already have that is inferior till it's worn out and broken was melting and giving way to a solid mindset of being confident with laying down foundations and taking on normal levels of risk.

Eg, buying a new car through a business or even forming and registering a business structure no longer seemed so offputting.

I downloaded Gantt Project. Although I began to obsessively procrastinate, it only took seconds or even a split second and I recognised it as a bad a habit and began looking for a tutorial I could use to concurrently build my project plan for the new Magic Garden.

I still need to be careful to protect my time while surrounded by other opportunities. The one opportunity that is drawing me away from the new Magic Garden is employment. I can see how my CV and new portfolio I spent all last week creating while recovering from the flue, will not be attractive enough to UX jobs because it does not show enough UX in mobile and web. 

I am tempted to create a Medicare app using the POP app so that I can show how my thinking in making non-text and non-number interfaces has value to apps, and not leave too much to the imagination of the interviewer. That's particularly important because the UX industry has only seen text and rectangles and photos reconfigured in different ways - these are all symbolic and literal graphics. These UX designers have not had the luxury ever to design the types interfaces, experiences and games I have and so do not have enough exposure to know its value. The chances are slim I would be contracted, but the salary is $600 / day which would free me to fund development immediately in September. I could then look for grant money alongside development.

The public is also so used to the familiar text and box interfaces that it would be hard maybe to give them a more natural interface. In my view the web interfaces we use today are just a techy representation or distilled version of the complex backend. But it's not the backend that users find familiar and that empowers them (until they have overcome the friction involved with spend  lot of time learning a user interface). It's the human and natural elements we have evolved with over time as a human species that we get right away. When I look at mobile and web (online) interfaces, I don't see front end and back end. Both are still backend. 

Hardly any apps utilise the mobile device's technology adequately. It's probably not just laziness to treat the phone as a website / poster showing facility, but just that there is no UX teaching that explains adequately how consumers/audiences operate as human beings.

Knowing this and how to apply it is one of my strengths. It's important to get that strength across (as my main one for UX jobs, or main one of three; the others being experience-prototyping which is supported by IDEO methods to ensure highest possible level of innovation, and secondly... ) and back it up with how unique that strength is to myself because there's no other way to have collected that experience other than through the projects I did.

Interfaces on mobiles and CSS websites all appear as if they are refined Excel spreadsheets containing live links. The metaphor: cells in a spreadsheet become rectangles that take you to another pager with more boxes containing text. No wonder Excel becomes the MVP sometimes.

So how is it ever possible to call "frontend" just that? It's just a spreadsheet that accesses or takes you to an even bigger spreadsheet. It's not human. It's taken the software and business' requirements too literally and not the human's enough / appropriately. 

It's funny and frustrating how the employment process can steal great chunks of my time, but in fact it always highlights a strength I was not aware of previously. So in hunting for a job opportunity, I willingly offer my free time and translate it into discovering a strength.



To create human-friendly interfaces and experiences we don't need to spend time learning and managing, and that we instantly find familiar because we have evolved as a human species to instantly recognise what comes next and what we can do with them as tools and services. This makes it easy to interpret what a blind person needs as much as a child. The reason why is because even though some faculties are missing, in evolutionary our minds are geared to want to engage the world in the same ways and there are a multitude of ways to engage it, using different senses. The body provides the brain with multiple sensory ways to engage the world. 

Today's UI's are at best a symbolic representation of 

To create human-friendly interfaces and experienes people don't need to spend time learning and managing



  1. By hunting for a job opportunity, I translate my free time into discovering a personal strength. That is my first purpose of job-hunting. 
  2. After compiling a list of strengths I can begin to apply for jobs. 


Startup Keywords

I'm attracted to learning more about bootstraping strategies beyond just bankrolling your own project with your own money.

  1. #Bootstrapping
  2. #Boostrappers
  3. @bootstrappers
  4. #Growthhacking

I do ned to get the Operations Manager involved early because she is the one who will help make a desicon (not Jean), and it may turn out that someone higher than her is the one to make the deciscions anyway, and that it will require a meeting first with the OM, then the Senior Om a month later and then a month later still, the CEO. It all adds up in time lost.



The projections could be stitched together so that children at the MCA art gallery could create a space that grows beyond the first projection.

Weekly Routine

Monday: Planning

Saturday: Trends & awards

Sunday: Startup knowledge





18 June 2016 Creative breakthroughs are inspired by award winning creativity.

Schnucki caught the flue and was crying thinking she had ruined my birthday. I walked about a bit robotic that morning worrying too much about how I would complete the project on time.

She never needed to feel that way. Luxury is found in beauty and relaxation / quality time. She has a unique ability to create both with so little.

In her card, Schnucki admired me for my energy in pursuing my project and hoped we would soon have our own family and life back on track. I do too. The stress of this casino job really is killing us both.

Even though it hurt her to speak, we woke up together with her wishing me happy birthday and when I returned from the shower, she had perfectly placed a small gift for me and the colours were so perfectly balanced. I made breakfast for her with my mother's spreadable goats cheese, honey and her new bread which tastes like Hönekaka. Then we watched a German documentary on Yellow Stone National Park, one of her favourite places.

I sense on these days how much both these important women in my life care for me. I can see my mother would rather have a great relationship with me than to suffer like she and we did and wants to see me stand on my own feet.

I'm tempted to create a secret page for James Viles on my website with sketches of table ware just for Biota Dining and to role play being the Maker persona I am writing as a starting point to doing a Brumby Spirit experience with him. But I know that it may come across as weird so early without him knowing me, and i must prioritise my health (so that I don't feel overwhelmed by pursuing many more tasks created by a half baked pursuit) and this kindergarten project to give myself the best chance of success.

When I begin to feel the project goes out of control and I worry I will not make it by the installation date, that's when I normally begin to plan the project. I can then see how big the To Do list is and start to cut it down and leave some work to be done after the installation.

16 June

On Thursday I showed my prototype to Arthur, Des and Geoff before I went off to UTS library to project plan. We were at the Great Southern pub on George street and it felt so great to get their support. I felt as though I had never been judged and that it was OK to have failed and they gave me permission to have felt so low for so long. It felt so gentle and encouraging. Arthur is a great mentor in his own way. No one is perfect but that was beautifully handled and it meant a lot. They gave me contacts and encouraged me to reconnect with John Hirsch who by Friday was interested in getting more specs.

As I was talking to Des, Artur said to Geoff, "no/but this is convincing!" looking at me, and I'm sure he meant this project as a business idea.

The Design

This week I discovered the Inks pinball game app when I looked at the Apple Design awards. I rediscovered the importance of seeing the height of other people's 'unrestricted' creativity and trends. I love the creative mess created in water colours - 2 elements I took inspiration from and want to return to giving to kids in the digital projection of the maps and objects. I could picture the mes tomatoes could make, fruits and smoothies, either using the natural juices (eg water mellon juices that discolour paper pink) or just the creation of the town map using water colour effects and accidentally spilling the glass of coloured water and brushes to create a random effect, magical effects, or colour in black and white stencilled map features.  

I want to combine this effect of juices / watercolour mess with realism because it's important to show food in its real form. That inspired me in turn to have a kiosk (or an app + light box style cyclorama) that lets kids and staff take photos of found objects (like an apple or a banana). The software then searches Google images for identical matches (or the closest matches possible) and spits these out randomly onto the projection. The images could be framed or set in polaroids or deep etched if the software only selects images it can deep etch. This way the kids get variety to create, and serendipity if we can extend the search to include other random finds.

Parents could also buy a light box cyclorama and download the app so that thye can shoot images at home and contribute their produce and so that the child does not have to bring whole carrots and produce from the garden.  

Using and creatively documenting / diarising real objects is also important to child development. Montessori sees working with real things as very important.

I could imagine that if kids were baking and creating a big Gingerbread toWn or turning the furniture into a Gingerbread home / village, then the kind of mess the could create is amplified by smarties flying about or at least dust from flour.

Now I know why being aware of trends is sometimes a selection criteria of jobs - because the very best of creativity inspires more of the very best creativity. The most creative exhibits inspire the greatest creativity. It's like an unbridled energy that gets transmitted to fuel someone else's new idea. It doesn't have to be a trend that we look for, it can just be the one unique exhibit. But if we do Look in trends then we see new cool thing can also draw a sizable audience while seeing a varieties of similar forms of expression. Seeing a variety of forms of expression helps build in our mind ideas of possible applications that suit many people and the contexts of these. So trends are more practical than the heightened creativity of the award winning individual's creative work.

Saturday mornings should involve looking at trends and awards.


Weekly Routine

  • Mondays: Plan week
  • Saturdays: Review awarded designs and trends



  1. When you have a simple business idea that is "convincing" as Arthur called mine when he saw it on Thursday, then others who previously were unable to understand the idea and didn't seem clued on, in fact come out of the woods quite surprisingly with great and yet very simple wisdom.
  2. An idea can be complex but its core must be simple to work as a business.
  3. Draw inspiration from the creativity of trends and winners of design awards.
  4. The most creative ideas come from being inspired by the most creative exhibits (individual breakthroughs or the variety of expressions confined to a trend).
  5. Creative breakthroughs are inspired by award winning creativity. 


Sunday 12th June 2016 Pessimism is unanswered questions about the unthought-of possibilities.

Yesterday was an early Birthday dinner for Kicki and myself. At the end I showed my prtotoype to my parents and it's amazing how Sylvie has become as bitter and as much sceptical and "anti" as my parents, or maybe even more. I presented to prove myself and I took a risk that I would lose my confidence a bit. Presenting to people who have a negative energy can be very destructive especially if they are as vocal as Sylvie. But I've grown stronger. Every time someone with a negative energy shoots my ideas down, I flip it now and say to myself that "They brought up interesting issues but were not in the right state of mind and spirit / open minded to offer answers or offer themselves to find an answer through further investigation."

My mother pointed out that I needed to develop the games and content and that the technology on its own was not salable. She was quick to become emotionally invested in the project. Maybe she realise as I do, that it's up to me to get this project's content and games off the ground, and not so much Sylvie. She game me Kicki's kindegarten teacher course material and exams, which gives me a clear idea of the time-consuming paper work teachers have to do.

I realise how my mother is like me, never gives up. Now I know where I get my fighting spirit from. That's unconditional love, despite the trauma I've inflicted in the family. Creativity always flowers and inspires confidence just like the kind of hope that drives teamwork in the right people. 


  1. Every time someone with a negative energy shoots my ideas down, I flip it now and say to myself that "They brought up interesting issues but were not in the right state of mind and spirit / open minded to offer answers or offer themselves to find an answer through further investigation."
  2. "Pessimism is unanswered questions about the unthought-of possibilities."