24th May 2016 Relentless Race: too much productivity & not enough reflection

On Saturday, Schnucki and I had a massive fight over me being late and keeping her friends waiting in the morning that I slammed the car door in rage to walk home fromHornsby Heights. I so badly needed to rest and recover from the week of working late at ITSM. I'm glad she picked me up. I was shaky for a long time and wondered how I could have it in me to behave that way. I'm glad though that we went to the Blue Mountains apple picking with Kiki, Maren and Christine and all was quickly forgiven. Schnucki admitted she wasa bit hormonal anyway. After: a picnic in Mt Tomah Botanical Gardens, and Kiki had brought Prosecco!!! I hadn't tasted such a luxury or the feeling of luxury for so long! All the food she and Schnucki brought was amazing. We ended the day at our favourite cliff spot.

On Sunday I had the most productive first day with Michael Lai in UTS library. We kept going only eating apples. We filled out the wants, needs, happiness, unhappiness, goals, tasks and dreams for different segments.

Then the rest of the week I sacrificed my attention for this Brumby Spirit to work only on the 2 photo shoots. I felt so spent. Even though the shots were fake and in the past, I learned a lot from the soulful experience and realised how important photos need to have a real educational event attached to them for people to relax their posture and for everyone including myself to get any value out of the shoot and feel great. The exception was that the shoot with Steve and Geoff at the Museum gave me such a high of excitement from the effect I wanted to create using a new technical process I had mastered finally worked so brilliantly. It also felt so wonderful to go back to my Museum roots by creating CAD drawings and picking up the cable reel for Geoff and discussing a simpler solution again with Steve that I could see myself in a musuem again one day soon.vIt's the first time I felt that way about museums. They're exceptionally creative places and I admire the creativity and technical ability of Steve and Geoff.

In the evenings at work I sketched the scenes I wanted to shoot. It felt great to finally use Schnucki's pencil case she had sewn for me. It made me feel even closer to being the creative I want to be. I would just roll it out on my desk proudly and it attracted people admiring the sketches and what I was doing and the colourful setup. Creating is so soulful and soothing for people. I realise how important the activity is for everyone there in this IT mechanised environment.  


It doesn't work keeping a diary to summarise the week. It loses the passion and emotion of the moment. It interferes with today's creative moment and it's hard to reflect to gain lessons, and just not fun. Keeping the diary feels soulful. If I don't keep it daily, ironically I end up writing down realisations on receipts that float around and I need to manage till I record them a second time here.

 

My core values

 

Pioneering

Experimentation

Soulful

Meaningful


 

I felt that I did too much this week. I was totally spent by Saturday even though it was a productive week.

I feel freedom coming from the soulful feeling of writing in my diary and being productive. It's a ying and yang of experimentation and reflection.

I felt like I had spiralled out of control again and wondered when I'd find myself back to my diary and following my new spiritual path I'd boosted by meeting (guru?) Tom Starke. It's no wonder I spent Monday 23rd and Tuesday 24th gardening and writing in my diary and reporting to Marti on what I'd achieved. I felt like I was betraying myself and Schnucki, and just being a kid creating, especially when she was happy to see me so productive again and trusting me. I know se trusts my singular masculine direction and not what I logically think she trusts. She needs that stability as much as I do.

I'm still trying to find a good routine and I can see it takes time to find a good fit of balanced activities. So I have confidence I will find the routine. I can see that even without external help I am finding my own way, although I admit I'm learning a lot from Michael, but otherwise anything else I see as an accelerant to my learning and development. I have Sundays in place now for creating with Michael. Also I should try listening to The Way of the Superior Man, then writing my Love diary for Schnucki, and then writing in my diary as a start to the morning. By Monday I always have a clear idea of what I need to achieve in the next week, so this can go into the diary then (or today - Tuesday)

 

Lessons

  1. Don't see my work as setting up a business. Just see it as the way I do when I'm creating a design - just "as design". I began to see it this way after working with Michael Lai and realised I should have been using a designer's process, not biz or marketing. Design is a natural fit for my process and thinking.
  2. Keep reports to people to a minimum in terms of text. Long text makes me lose time, momentum and feels draining trying to get the wording phrased right.
  3. If i follow the scientific design process of service design, I can realise any creative idea into a business. I just pictured my potential in a new way, always being productive, producing one business from an idea and an experiment after the next and not just ideas end with an experimenting or die with a sketch, but actually give me a sense of fulfilment because I can live off my ideas and see them become real. Te ideas can then fund themselves.
  4. It doesn't work keeping a diary to summarise the week. It loses the passion and emotion of the moment. It interferes with today's creative moment and it's hard to reflect to gain lessons, and just not fun. Keeping the diary feels soulful.
  5. I can trust myself to find my way back to a soulful and self satisfied state. I will naturally want to swing to be reflective after having been too productive. It's toxic if this takes days to return tocycle between these states. The key is to cycle daily this way, to have a routine that is spiritual, reflective, creative and then productive.
  6. The routine that's wokring so far: I have Sundays in place now for creating with Michael. Also I should try listening to The Way of the Superior Man, then writing my Love diary for Schnucki, and then writing in my diary as a start to the morning. By Monday I always have a clear idea of what I need to achieve in the next week, so this can go into the diary then (or today - Tuesday).