12th April 2017

Working on my own keeps me shielded from reality, but not from dear and failure because I fail to take steps. I'm afraid of taking steps. So I'm in a cyclic coping mechanism. The symptom is lots of unfinished tasks (which in itself is toxic) which I keep unfinished by perpetually changing directions and inviting new tasks. It's the opposite of being laser focused. It feels good and comfortable to float from one creative task to the next. It's caused by thinking too much, analysing each decision too many times and too much till it becomes simply indesisvion. Its also partly caused by not seeing the end result of the task at the end.

I need to shit that fear down by working effectively: consistently nailing one task after the next without any thinking.

Have almost angry determined focus on that one task. This works and makes me feel confident and awesome and work real fast.

It's all about motivating myself and having the best positive picture and a simple goal for the day.