I spiralled out of control:
- Obsessed on the looming financial crisis
- Created tasks for myself like getting set up with the
- Worried that I did not have the finances to invest more in silver and shares while projecting negatively into the future that we would
- struggle as couple
- struggle to survive because I lacked skills in nature to be self-sufficient
- struggle to finance our future even from the little investments that I had accumulated
- struggle to convince Sylvie to plan and move in the same crisis-focused direction as myself.
- It filled me with poisonous anger at both work and home.
- I crashed with fever and then exploded at work from burnout in the past weeks.
- I achieved almost nothing of value in the project as I prioritised other activities that drained me.
- I did those tasks like transcribing my interviews meticulously without stepping back to reflect (constructively in a diary) and have the courage to see and a global perspective of what was most important and act on it.
- I increasingly planned goals and tasks that reinforced my negative, fear-driven view.
- These tasks did not use my natural way of using the right brain.
- These tasks siphon away my sense of control: When I have a positive view of myself and my world I create tasks that support that view, and my sense of independence and "can do" attitude, my sense of control and self-control. Tasks are fun and I'm much more in the now. Sketches and ideas become imaginative and I do them more often. When I have a negative perspective of myself and the world around me, my ideas become insipid and full of impassible road blocks (I can't resolve ideas and make the simple and realisable which causes more stress). I get more focused on past and future fear-driven events that are out of my control. I lose control to them - and most control is lost to the worries that are the most extreme (eg a crisis). I also lose energy to them. It's mentally very draining for both Schnucki and me to think and fight over them. The energy drain is truly massive, such that one short fight can take the energy out of us for hours. This is possibly because I have already been dwelling so much about a negative idea, already expending so much energy in the lead-up and the argument then escalates the energy consumption.
When I sketch I see simple solutions to business problems. When I only focus on solving logically the same business problems, I get stuck. Igniting the right creative side of the brain frees me to find solutions to strategic problems I thought were best left to the left logical side of the brain.
What I need is a daily routine of building and maintaining a positive view (+ prioritise constructive goals and tasks) that gradually becomes stronger than a negative one. The routine will help me catch negative views and rationalise out of them quicker.
Start the day with
- List and rationalise out of the negative ideas and views, second guessing, addictions,.. (all that's unpleasant) to get them out of my system and catch them sooner.
- Positive reflections and appreciations
- Mental imagery of myself and the world around me that reinforces where I am at, my unique natural strengths and my direction that aligns with my strengths.
During the day
- List and rationalise out of the negatives on my iPhone.
End the day with (notes on paper)
- Positive reflections and appreciations
- Mental imagery of myself and the world around me that reinforces where I am at (global perspective), my unique natural strengths, my opportunities and my direction that aligns with my strengths.
- Planning (prioritising) constructive goals and tasks that are in line with that mental imagery. Have a mix of tasks that deliver quick and slow gratification. See anything else as a chore that I'm disconnected with and have a window for doing those chores when I'm tired.
How to Perform Mental Imagery
- My unique strengths, things I do naturally so that I focus my goals and tasks on utilising those.
- My unique opportunities: "I get to do..." What's really great about these opportunities is that I have created them and they are a unique expression of my strengths.
- My direction that aligns with my strength. Picture "the next" and the week. Picture that I'm doing it well and how I do it.
1. I'm addicted and disempowered by worrying about my investments. Have a financial plan of how much I divide my money each fortnight so that I know that I have enough to meet all expenses and be frugal. Then just treat them as expenses and forget them. (Don't check Commsec.)
- My Strength account is now for my medicines, car, business and investments.
- 1st fortnight: medicines. (6th weekly medicine expenses: ___)
- 2nd fortnight: car / business / shares
- 3rd fortnight: silver
- My Savings account is for building up surplus savings ($50 per fortnight). This buffer is for restoring my relaxed state. $450 across 5 months.
- $300 remains on my Orange Every Day account fortnightly (with $9 surplus).
- $770 goes to rent.
I get over addictions after accepting them as an addiction and calm down within a few hours or half a day at most.
2. I feel that I will be judged for using the machine, and it seems so hard to use and off-putting because it doesn't rely on my main strengths. I make it dependent on what others think instead of shutting everyone out of the picture and running my own race which is when I perform best. As I learned first, when I do things my own way and forget about everyone else I do well and if I do it repeatedly in small steps I see improvements I can celebrate. Like anything new, I need to just allocate 1hour to it each day when I'm tired and I'll gain confidence in it. Health is not a strength like design is, so I should not attach too much value to it. There is more to life that makes me unique. Focusing too much on its positives can lead to obsession just as much as fearing getting used to the machine and the concept of making changes in my life can. Making changes in my life can be easy if I break big ones into small changes. It's the big changes I struggle with and turn into a project that seems exciting at first but overwhelms me quickly by becoming a priority "I just want to get through asap because I hate it" which both burns me out and prevents me having a balance activities that naturally fit my strengths and nurture my soul. Allow myself a month to get through it. It feels wonderful to allow myself / to give myself the space to take my time.
3. Seemingly small tasks become toxic projects I want to get out of the way just like I do my tax. Do it in small bits every day because it takes time for my mind to adjust to the new way of doing something and repetition is not something I can cope with for long. Don't let these tasks remain on my To-Do list for too long. As soon as I need to do it (eg Tax on 1st July), make the first little move. And then start next years'.
4. Large creative tasks: I simply need more time to do something the first time. It's not a strength of an entrepreneur or mine. Again break it into focused stints of 1.5h with a break.
5. Give up on convincing people news about money vs currency. It just causes problems. Let me run my own race and base it on facts. Lead by example quietly instead. Don't get angry at others. They make my life complete in other ways.
6. Don't worry about what people expect by a certain time. Focus instead on how much their appreciation grows of seeing my unique skills, and the fun of producing as much as possible, exploring every weird avenue in the time I allow myself to do so. It's about giving myself permission to be and become, as well as belong to that crowd. I'm good enough to be a part of their network. They want me and they want to see the side of me that I exhibit naturally best, where I feel most relaxed and enjoy myself.
- I'm good with small incremental changes and focusing on one change / metric for a month.
- I can easily imagine what kids would like. I create their new worlds. People like my beautiful and imaginative ideas and expertise in this area.
- Industrial Design and experience design in the physical space, much more than the digital.
- I created the opportunity for this project and have strong support. Jean would let me have any resource and let me work creatively together with any staff member to keep experimenting and developing an idea.
- My wife actually supports me as much as anyone the moment she sees real tangible progress.
Positive Reflections and Appreciations
I'm grateful I found a daily routine to prevent me becoming obsessive. It's given me a reason to have a daily diary. It may be time consuming at first but I'll get good and quicker at it.
I picture myself sketching a few different user scenarios and jotting down any and all that pop into my head no matter if they are "adaptive" and useful or not and staying in the flow fast that way. Positive pressure to get it done quickly and thinking constantly back about how appreciative Jean was in all the work I had done and how supportive she grows to be every time we meet makes it easy for me to stay in the flow.
Michael is also supportive and loves to see my unique strengths as much as anyone.
- 1 year (August 2016): Working full time on company and be funded and developing automated software. Growth of income stream.
- By 7th December: Full series of tests achieved and a regular income stream
- 1 month: Test monetisation model + patent filing date
- 1 week: Finish concept + tech spec